AmanaOnline

August 23, 2026.

Welcome to this week’s edition of Sarcastic Sunday with Mohammed Bello Doka, where we study Nigeria’s political gymnastics sarcastically because doing otherwise will choke us to death. And by choke, I mean the kind of choke that happens when you swallow a bone of betrayal that has been lodged in your throat since 2023.

As Nigeria inches into another election season, we are meant to believe with the straightest of faces and the emptiest of promises that this time around, President Tinubu will not disappoint the North again. A select group of beneficiaries, data boys with calculators that only add in one direction, and hungry-looking paid journalists who would sell their grandmothers for a plate of jollof rice have been saddled with the herculean responsibility of convincing us that if we reflect Tinubu in 2027, he will not disappoint the North again. Well, we are not talking about those who think he has done well because this week’s edition is not a diagnosis of insanity. That would require a medical license and a very long couch. Rather, this is an X-ray of stupidity, and the results are coming back positive.

It is no longer in question whether Tinubu has disappointed the North. The question is whether he will do it AGAIN. And when I say AGAIN, I mean AGAIN with the kind of capital letters that scream from the rooftops of Kaduna to the streets of Kano, from the banks of Lake Chad to the hills of Jos. Because let us be honest, the North has been disappointed so many times that disappointment has become a way of life. It has become our second language. We speak it fluently. We dream it at night. We wake up to it every morning.

Let us begin with security because nothing says “I love you” like dispatching a high-powered federal delegation to Oyo State while Borno children remain in captivity. On May 15, 2026, armed men invaded schools in Oriire Local Government Area of Oyo State, abducting about 46 pupils and teachers. On the exact same day, suspected Boko Haram insurgents attacked Mussa Primary and Junior Secondary School in Askira Uba Local Government Area of Borno State, abducting 42 pupils. Same day. Same crime. Different responses.

In Oyo, President Tinubu swiftly ordered coordinated rescue efforts and dispatched a high-powered federal delegation led by the Chief of Staff to the President, including the National Security Adviser, the Inspector-General of Police, the Chief of Defence Staff, and other top officials. He approved the recruitment of 1,000 forest guards in Oyo State. In Borno? Silence. No delegation. No forest guards. No swift response. It was as if Borno did not exist. As if 42 children from Borno were ghosts. As if their parents were not crying the same tears as the parents in Oyo. The North East Civil Society Network asked the question everyone is thinking but afraid to ask: “Does that mean some Nigerian children are more precious than others? Does that mean children from the North East are less Nigerian than those from the South?”

And this is not an isolated incident. Three months earlier, 416 women and children were abducted in Ngoshe, Gwoza Local Government Area of Borno State. The Presidency was mute. No delegation. No forest guards. No swift response. Just the sound of crickets chirping from Aso Rock. In February 2026, 176 residents were abducted from Woro community in Kaiama, Kwara State. Over 170 days later, they are still in captivity. But Tinubu was busy celebrating Oyo rescues, prompting the ADC to accuse him of creating the impression that some victims of insecurity matter more than others. The Coalition of Northern Groups accused the federal government of applying double standards. Double standards? That is putting it mildly. It is more like a triple standard with a side of regional bias sprinkled on top.

Now, let us talk about disaster relief because nothing says “we care” like approving ₦50 billion for Oyo and ₦3 billion for Borno. When an explosion ripped through Old Bodija in Ibadan in January 2024, destroying 318 buildings and killing five people, Tinubu approved ₦50 billion and released ₦30 billion immediately. Immediately. The money was out of the treasury before the dust had even settled. When catastrophic flooding submerged large parts of Maiduguri in September 2024, affecting over one million people, displacing 414,000 to 500,000, and killing at least 150, the federal relief approved for Borno State was ₦3 billion. Three billion. Not thirty billion. Not fifty billion. Three billion. When a massive fire tore through Singer Market in Kano in February 2026, destroying over 1,000 shops and goods worth more than ₦5 billion, Tinubu approved ₦5 billion.

Three disasters. Three regions. Three vastly different responses. Oyo got ₦50 billion. Kano got ₦5 billion. Borno got ₦3 billion. The question writes itself and it is not a question that requires a Ph.D. in mathematics to answer: Do Northern lives matter less? The largest humanitarian catastrophe received the smallest relief package. The smallest disaster received the largest relief package. And they expect the North to believe that 2027 will be different? The Northern elders must be laughing in their sleep.

Now, let us talk about infrastructure because nothing says “national unity” like giving the South 93 percent of road contracts and the North 7 percent. In November 2025, the Federal Executive Council approved ₦1.047 trillion in road contracts. The South-West got ₦789.82 billion—75.4 percent. The South-South got ₦156 billion—14.9 percent. The North-Central got ₦43 billion—4.1 percent. The North-West got ₦30.23 billion—2.9 percent. The South-East got ₦28.47 billion—2.7 percent. And the North-East? Zero. 0 percent. The North-East got nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. The entire region was given the middle finger wrapped in a white paper and presented as a federal government approval.

Southern Nigeria combined received ₦974.29 billion—93 percent. Northern Nigeria combined received ₦73.23 billion—7 percent. The Coalition of Northern Groups called this “a calculated act of economic sabotage deliberately designed to deepen regional inequality”. Roads like Kano–Maiduguri, Abuja–Kaduna–Zaria, Makurdi–Jos, Bauchi–Gombe, and others were completely neglected. This is not an oversight. This is not an error. This is intentional underdevelopment served on a platter of gold and garnished with a side of mockery. And they want the North to believe that 2027 will be different?

Now, let us talk about the Almajiri Commission because nothing says “we care about Northern children” like using their budget to build roads in Ogun State. The National Commission for Almajiri and Out-of-School Children Education was established to tackle the challenge of out-of-school children in Northern Nigeria. In the 2026 budget, it received ₦22.82 billion. Out of that, ₦8.4 billion was earmarked for road construction projects in Ogun, Ekiti, and Katsina states. Specifically, ₦1.4 billion was allocated for the rehabilitation and construction of Obasanjo Itele Road and other roads in Abeokuta, Ogun State.

A commission created for Almajiri children now has more money for roads in the Southwest than for solar panels in Almajiri schools. A commission created to keep children in school is now building roads to nowhere in the Southwest. Atiku Abubakar called this “a cruel betrayal” of millions of out-of-school children. One commentator put it bluntly: “A commission created for Northern children now has more money for roads in the Southwest than for solar in Almajiri schools.” And they want the North to believe that 2027 will be different?

Now, let us talk about appointments because nothing says “inclusive governance” like appointing a Yoruba brother as Minister of Youth Development to lead youth affairs while Northern youths are systematically excluded. The Arewa Democratic Youth Stakeholders Forum has accused Seyi Tinubu of sidelining Northern youths in political appointments and party structures. The forum alleged that appointments and leadership positions have disproportionately favoured individuals from the South-West. They have threatened to withdraw support for Tinubu’s re-election bid unless their grievances are addressed. The forum stated with the kind of desperation that only the marginalized can muster: “We want Seyi Tinubu to know that Nigeria belongs to all of us, and the APC belongs to all Nigerians. Arewa gave his father substantial votes during the 2023 election and deserves equal respect and inclusion.”

But here is the irony. The same Northern youths who are now being marginalized were the ones who brought Tinubu to power. The same Northern voters who gave him substantial votes in 2023 are now being told to sit down and be quiet while their regions are neglected, their children are abducted, their disasters are underfunded, their roads are ignored, and their Almajiri funds are diverted to build roads in Ogun State. It is like being invited to a feast only to discover that you are the feast.

Now, let us talk about the 2027 campaign council. Yes, prominent Northerners are now included. The list of the campaign team is more balanced than Tinubu’s Cabinet, which looks more like an Afenifere project than a Federal Executive Council. But is this not another red flag waving furiously in the wind? Is the North only being used to harvest votes and abandoned the moment food is ready? The ADC has already described Tinubu’s 2027 campaign council as a “rehabilitation centre for corruption suspects”. And the North is supposed to trust this? The North is supposed to believe that this time will be different?

The entire Northern governors have thrown their weight behind Tinubu. Well, that is the right thing to do as party men. They are loyal soldiers following the orders of their commander-in-chief. But since they chose to stand on the mandate of a man who gave the South 93 percent of road contracts while the North got 7 percent, who gave Oyo ₦50 billion while Borno got ₦3 billion, who sent a federal delegation to Oyo while Borno children remained in captivity, who diverted Almajiri funds to build roads in Ogun State, and who systematically excluded Northern youths from appointments, what exactly are they standing on? A mandate built on betrayal? A mandate built on neglect? A mandate built on the broken backs of Northern voters who have been used and discarded like a piece of chewing gum?

The noisy Emilekon activists who lost Lagos to Obidients are now being recruited to abuse the North because food is ready. They lost Lagos. They lost the biggest prize in the South-West. And now they have been brought to power by the North. The same North that gave Tinubu the numbers he needed to become president. And what do they do? They abuse the North. They mock the North. They marginalize the North. They siphon the North’s resources. They divert the North’s funds. They ignore the North’s suffering. And they have the audacity to tell the North that 2027 will be different?

The APC and Tinubu’s campaign team can do all they want to convince us that Tinubu will not betray the North again. They can parade Northern governors like cattle at a market. They can assemble a balanced campaign council that looks good on paper. They can promise the moon and the stars and the sun and the galaxies beyond. They can tell us that this time will be different. They can swear on every holy book. They can cross their hearts and hope to die. They can do everything except actually change their ways.

But.

Jumma’a Mai Kyau, daga laraba ta ke fara wa.

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Mohammed Bello Doka can be reached via bellodoka82@gmail.com

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